I haven’t been writing much. There was a space that I needed to go through, and writing was not a part of it. That’s why you haven’t seen much being posted here at my blog. But I definitely was still talking, my people. A lot of my talking was to myself. I have been carrying on many conversations in my own mind. I am busy “changing my story that I tell myself”. And I’m changing it to fit me in a beneficial way. I’m forgiving myself for my own “transgressions”, and forgiving others who “trespassed against me”. What I’m learning day by day is that I lose nothing at all in forgiving.
That power of unforgiveness that I thought I had over someone who did me wrong – it really was not power but weakness. By holding this negative energy that I called anger and that was merely unforgiveness, I held on to the thing that was diminishing my own life. And all the while, I thought I was empowered, protected, safe – exalted! No I was not.
So I have released and am releasing this energy vampire, and allowing forgiveness to enter my heart. That means I can now talk to some of those who had been on my Unforgiven List. We are conversing, and learning where we made our mistakes. There is such freedom in looking your mistakes straight in the eye, and passing no judgement on them. I no longer have to feel less than because of them. Period. Quite the contrary, I can feel exalted because of them, because they taught me very important lessons about me. I no longer have to hate anyone just because they harmed me in the past, and I no longer have to feel guilty because I harmed someone in the past. I am free from that, because I decided that I am. And if I decided, then no one can say anything to the contrary. It’s my choice; freedom is my inalienable right.
So I tell myself a new story and I plant it deep in my heart, so that the new story takes root and chokes out the old, negative story. As I plant this new story and tend to it, I learn what true power is.
And ironically I couldn’t be at this point without the person who “wrong” me all those years ago, and up to the present time. My enemy is now my frenemy, and my frenemy is my friend. If I choose for it to be so. I can learn so much about myself based on the actions of a frenemy towards me. A frenemy helps me sharpen my wits, my discernment, my stamina, my strength, and so many other positive traits! So my frenemy is my friend. How ironic, and beautiful too!
Of course, if I choose instead, to stew over what my frenemy has done to me, I miss the lessons. But at the point in time when I decide of my own volition to stop stewing and start learning, the lessons come. It’s better to make this decision sooner than later, in my opinion.
So all in all, frenemies are a blessing to me, and forgiveness is a strength to me. It is our choice to forgive – no one holds a gun to your head to force you. If you forgive, you enlarge the space from which you operate. You open yourself to more – more love, more joy, more peace, more grace. If you hold to unforgiveness, it hoards the space from which you can operate. Like weeds, it will choke more love, more joy, more peace, and more grace right out of your life with no apology.
God leaves the choice to you.