Struggling Through My Fifties

Image by Roger's Wife via Flickr

I didn’t know that I would be so fearful now that I’ve reached my fifties.  My life has changed drastically and the people who were there for me have moved on.  Not in abandonment, but in building their new lives.  So now I’m alone in a certain way and it is having a strange effect on me that I didn’t anticipate.

As a disciple of Christ, I rely on His love and protection more so now than ever before.  I need Him more than I’ve ever realized, and maybe that is His design for this time in my life, that I feel the need for Him.  I’m thankful and grateful for His power in my life and I am renewed spiritually every time I pray and pour my heart out to Him.

Yet I keep finding myself in a state of fear of life, which I’ve never experienced in this way before.  I think about those who have died young like Luther, John Ritter, Vesta, Teena Marie and others who lived only to reach their fifties.  I know that it’s wrong to think this way, especially as a child of God, but these thoughts keep coming to my mind.  It’s a strange struggle – to think of not being alive like so and so and to imagine life in another realm.  Yet I feel that I’m not ready to go because I haven’t accomplished my call to my satisfaction.

When I talk to my ex-husband, he tells me that I shouldn’t think that way because I AM accomplishing my call. I AM doing what God would have me right now in this moment.  I know he’s right, yet those thoughts keep coming back to my mind whenever I feel like I’m missing my mark.  If I had my way, I’d be making a lot of money as a writer and blogger – money that I’d be gifting to this worthy cause and that worthy cause.  I’m an Oprah wannabe.  Jealous of her ability to gift the brothers of Morehouse with full tuitions.  If only I could be like her.

I wonder why some people roll smoothy into their calling from the age of twenty like Oprah did, and some can’t get it together even as they reach their fifties and are still struggling like I am.  I just wonder about that kind of stuff.  Then to know that some folks pass away right at the point of finally getting it right.  The fifties are that time when we slowpokes have our chance to finally make it.

Or at least my limited thinking leads me to believe such.  After all, Colonel Sanders didn’t make it big in KFC until he was 65 years old.  At least that’s what I’ve been told.  So I go back to pondering all of these things.  It’s probably not good to think too much about stuff like this, but I can’t seem to stop myself from it.  Prayer and reading God’s Word is the only thing that keeps my mind from wandering away.  Most of the time, anyway.

Thank God for His Word and His Love

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Food Porn Ponderings

Go ahead, cheat on butter!

Image via Wikipedia

When I’m watching tv, I’m amazed and amused by the way food is advertised, especially to women.  It’s interesting to observe the  lengths (no pun intended) to which the corporate  food overlords will go, trying to bait me to lust after velvety smooth Yoplait yogurt, or sinfully rich Dove chocolate bars.  They pull out all the stops as they imagine what will move me to crave that voluptuously creamy ice cream (with nuts) or the sizzlely spiciness and bubbling cheesiness of that gorgeous pizza pie.   Most of the time, they can’t move me one inch.  Most of the time.

The reason is I love the food that I love, and what I love is not being advertised by Madison Avenue so much.  Though I love Yoplait yogurt and Dove bars, I dont love them like that.  I don’t make grocery store runs after watching a commercial for those products.  I can see clearly through their sad attempts to flaunt their products, and I’m not falling for it, because their food is just not that sexy to me.   I’m just not that into it.  Nice try though.

Yet the advertisers continue on, and every type of food that’s presented to me is always about creamy, fluffy, smooth, rich, and buttery.  And dark.  And just in case I’m a little frigid, they always make sure to supply a tantric food goddess, with her eyes rolling back in her head in pre-orgasmic delight to show me the way.  It’s amusing to watch her as she saaaaaavors tiny bits of whatever smoooooth creamy richness they’re trying to sell me.  I’m not even gonna talk about the chocolate commercials and all the deep dark sweetness seductively threatening to explode right at the surface of some poor woman’s id.  Not mine, though.

What’s even more interesting, once women are sexually baited to eat all of the rich, thick creaminess and gain all the weight, we then are looked down upon as weak, dirty little loose, greedy hedonists, needing to be whipped back into shape boot camp style by Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig.  They even recruit Jennifer Hudson to implore us that “It’s a new Life!”  Just join up with Jenny C., because simply stated, ”it works”.   If you say so, Jenny H.  (A very interesting article about the song, It’s A New Lifeg.)
It’s all such a vicious circle - darned if you do and darned if you don’t.  The building up of high food desire, the giving in to food, then the food shame.

Image via Wikipedia

I refuse to allow food guilt and shame into my spirit.  I love food and I just accept that about myself without regret.  I don’t allow myself to be ripped apart by the politics.  I find that I’m well able to control my eating.  If I decide to eat bacon and eggs today, then I eat oatmeal with plain toast tomorrow.  I seldom buy lowfat food products as a dietary measure.  If I eat extra fatty foods, I do a few more exercises to burn it off.  Simple.

As the food purveyors continue trying to seduce me, I continue to resist them with ease.  But that’s not to say there isn’t any food I consider sexy.  Yes indeed there is!  Food that makes my mouth water at first thought.  Show me a huge pot of mixed greens (Collards, Turnips, Mustards) cooked down…with a sexy, smokey turkey wing posing seductively – or crumbled throughout.  O. M. G!   Don’t let me see grammamma’s Corningware filled with baked macaroni and cheese, with REAL cheese, not Velveeta!  There is something very sexy about Macaroni and Cheese in Corningware.  Don’t act like you don’t know.

Image via Wikipedia

Macaroni and cheese isn’t the only sexy food.  What about those Kilpatrick Dinner rolls split down the middle and dripping with butter – you know the rolls you only got to eat at Thanksgiving?  Yum!  Then set it all off with some golden fried or golden baked chicken! Or even  your mama’s pot roast surrounded by red pototoes swimming seductively in delicious brown gravy, and for you geechees, a pot of rice because y’all can’t eat unless there’s some rice.  Then for dessert,  candy yams and sweet potato pie, 7up cake, peach cobbler or chocolate layer cake.

These are the foods that get a rise out of me.  It is what it is.  I can’t say that no one could make me look with desire though, at other foods.  The Food Network, the sexiest station of them all, could make me look twice or even three times.  These people know how to set the mood like no one else.  I looooove how they put the microphone up to sizzling burgers, so you can hear what they’re saying.  Sexy!   Or how they put closeups on boiling noodles so we could watch them soften, and numerous other seductive food photos.   When I watch I find no reason to resist, because I don’t feel that I’m gonna get out of control.   Paula Deen is my favorite just for her audacity!  We all know that we were supposed to look ONLY and not touch or even test!  Who really eats bacon peanut butter sandwiches made with glazed donuts for bread?  We know better than that!  Come on, give us some credit!  Now they harassing Miss Paula like she tricked us or something.  Anyways…

Food is a good thing.  If we dont overdo it and balance what we eat, we’ll be alright.  I eat pepperoni pizza once in a while, not every night!  But if I find myself watching pizza commercials every night and being easy seduced….
I feel that these commercials create something within the minds of those who are watching daily without some type of mental filter.  It’s wrong, of course.  I’m against the manipulation that the food industry displays against us.  And its not just women who are being turned out.  We have all seen those hamburger commercials with the scantily clad sexy woman trying to force a huge burger in her mouth, with mayo and ketchup dripping.  How are men supposed to react to this mental assault, especially when they don’t see it as such?

Image by rob_rob2001 via Flickr

It seems we are captives at the mercy of these Madison Avenue manipulations.  It all seems so confusing!  I don’t know, all I want to do is eat what I want without having to be torn apart mentally for it.  Maybe that’s too much to ask.

‘MLK Day Stop The Gunfire Gathering’

‘MLK Day Stop The Gunfire Gathering’ to take place Monday, Jan. 16 Regeneration Church 238 E15th st #Oakland http://bit.ly/zBKyRk

TODAY: Get busy: Oakland’s MLK Day of Service Expands for 2012 | Oakland Local bit.ly/wUaVmW#mlk #oakland

 

Testing my Hootsuite Social Media App on WordPress.  It’s a huge time saver!

But yes, I’ll be attending the Stop the Gunfire Gathering today for MLK day.  Also happening – a gathering of folks meeting at the Allen Temple Baptist church parking to then go out into the community (referred to as Deep East Oakland) and clean up!  A day of service in honor of the man who served, Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

My Cousin Bernadette – A Woman After God’s Heart

Bernadette Stevens Simply Deannie CD cover

It’s a beautiful thing to watch the people of God use their gifts to edify the Body of Christ.  In so doing, they glorify the Lord.  If they are preachers, their preaching convicts and draws to Christ; if they are teachers, their teaching brings understanding and clarity; if they are writers, their writing causes contemplation and pondering; and if they are singers, their singing touches the spirit within.

If the people of God understand the gift of God, they honor Him by sharing that gift for Kingdom building.  In using their gift, they are lifting the blood stained banner of the Lord.  They are declaring that they are on the Lord’s side.  They are growing in grace with Him at the center of their lives.

My cousin Bernadette is like that.  She’s a soldier in God’s army and has been blessed with the gift of a voice that ministers peace.  We have been innundated by those gospel artists whose voices roar like thunder and howl like the ocean and we love it.  But sometimes God is in a soft, gentle voice.  Miss Deannie’s is that smooth quiet voice that ushers you warmly into His presence.  One that touches the spirit and ministers peace.

Sister Deannie’s singing ministry is a testament to how God can work.  She decided to give her life to God and asked Him to use her.  She has been singing since she was a child, and has sang in her church choir as a teen.  God called her to sing for His glory and she received the call.  She then went forward and recorded a gospel CD, even though she was without a promoter or a manager, and she did this right in her hometown of Lafayette La.  It was through the internet and on radio stations she was heard.  She’s built a following through her website and social media (thank God for it) as well as local radio, and through her hard work and perserverance, and God’s touch, she reached the stage of the Bobby Jones New Orleans show.  From there her career kept growing and she has also worked with Vicki Yohe in New Orleans.

Ms Deannie’s album was released in 2010, and by 2011 she was being invited to appear on stage at the Radio One  One-Love Gospel Cruise 2011 !  Nobody but God!  My cousin has been on the same stage as many of the greats of gospel -from Marvin Sapp to Kirk Franklin to Dorinda Clark-Cole to Yolanda Adams!  When you ask Ms Deannie about it, she’ll humbly tell you it was all to His glory to spread the gospel “on the sea”!  If you click the above link, you’ll see how she got a picture with every last one of ‘em, too! 

Miss Deannie is a member of Destined Generation Ministries where the pastor is the Rev Tyrone Davis and his wife Co-pastor Francesca Dantley-Davis.  Their church is in Lafayette Louisiana.  He’s a young man of God, doing God’s work in an un-traditional way.  Love it!

Video streaming by Ustream

Bernadette makes time to appear on the local Lafayette talk show hosted by Mr. Wayne Landry, where she always shares about the saving Grace of God.  Now imagine this wonderful woman of God mentioning little o ME in one of her sit downs with Brother Landry!  She mentioned my name and my blog as she’s being interviewed!  *Swoon*  What a blessing, now I will become FAMOUS!  (at about 21:14 in the second video)

Video streaming by Ustream

Ms Bernadette Stevens is the real deal.  A true soldier, sold out to the Lord.  I love her heart for God, and I pray that He continues to build her ministry!  SUDDDENLY!

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Hey Y’all I Just Got the Liebster Award!!

Liebster Blog Award

My new follower and blog friend, Ms Coco Rivers who is the owner of the blog Streams of Consciousness   has just honored me and my little blog by choosing it for the Liebster Blog Award and I’m stoked about it!  This is so cool because on Sunday (1-8-12) I uploaded that LTD video in my sidebar called Love To The World.  In the video there is a person with the word Love printed on his hand in numerous languages, and my eye was drawn to the word Liebe. That same day I was singing the song and my singing turned to a prayer just as the song is a prayer.  So immediately when I see the name of this award I know it has something to do with love.  It actually means beloved or favorite.

I’ve been blogging for almost three years now.  This writing process has been inspiring, humbling, frustrating and sometimes a little discouraging.  Just last month I felt like posting that Anna Renee is no longer talking.  Sometimes I feel that way.  Yet something drags me back to this blog.  Daily, actually.  I have so much I want to share.   It gets kinda weird sometimes.  But in the midst of my confusion, an angel comes along and acknowledges my work and once again, I’m energized.  So I’m thanking Coco Rivers for reading and liking my blog.  You all should read her blog because sister girl is something! A sweet rabble rouser, and I so much love sweet rabble rousers. 

And now, I’m  paying it forward.  As the rules of this award stipulate, I will list my top five favorite blogs with under 200 followers.  For those winners who participate: copy and paste this award on your blog,  choose five bloggers you love,  link back to them, and go tell them you chose them!

1.  Ankhesan Mie  How do I describe this sister?  She’s fierce, brilliant, straight-forward, sharp shooting!  She pulls not one punch. Not one.  You’re gonna get it if you deserve it.  But on the inside of that sharp beautiful diamond is a heart of gold!  Her’s is my favorite blog because I know I’m gonna be challenged.  She wastes no time writing about fluff.   She refuses to suffer fools, and I like that about her!

2.  Moanerplicity  My Eastsiiiiiide Brother!  Mad poetic skills that dazzle and smack and uplift and spin you around!  Moaner moans in his joy and riffs on his pain and returns to his beautiful creative center each time.  He’s my brother and he’s heavy!

3.  Moet with Medusa.  Dont let his name fool you, he’s a beautiful soul, a sweet brother, and a killer poet.  Introspective and out there and just the one to clink a glass in a toast to life with.  Right now Oshun is smiling on him & if you hurry you can watch!

4.   Phyllis Remastered  Sister Honoree Fanonne Jeffers the Black Library Girl She’s a poet, and a Professor of English and social commenter.  She’s known for calling out brothers when they know they’re wrong and she call out the sisters too! That goes for Oprah as well.   She is the grand dame of the south, and if you’re bold enough to speak when she holds court, you best not forget your manners!

5.   Carolyn Moon Perspectives  beautiful sister, full of wisdom and power and intelligence.  I love Carolyn because she’s an example of the grace and beauty of our elders.  She’s a young elder tho!    Her perspective is black and female and history and future and I aspire to be just like her when I grow up.

So those are my favorites.  These writers give me life.  I love them all, and so will you once you get to know them.  Thanks Again, Ms Coco Rivers

Peace and blessings